Who am I?
Sometimes I Wonder…
I am Michelle to many.
I am Missy to some.
I am Mom to three.
I am YiaYia to one.
I am Wife to a husband who is in Heaven.
I am a Friend to all.
I am a Leader always.
I am a Manager when needed.
I am a Christian for eternity.
All of these things I have shared about me are titles I hold and roles that I show up to do.
I am someone that loves deeply. I am someone that feels deeply. I am someone that cares what other people think about her much more than I should admit too. I am someone that does not want to hurt other people’s feelings. I don’t want to be a rude person. Why? … because rude and mean people just suck. I don’t like how it makes me feel so I don’t want to have that negative influence on anyone else if I can prevent it from happening.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t ever hurt or offend people unintentionally, I do, and I have. Some of those unintentional hurts are ones that I regret deeply and because of those I try to be self-aware and mindful of other people’s feelings and how my words and actions may impact them.
When I think about that, sometimes I pause to contemplate if I am making myself small unintentionally by changing my actions or words based on how I anticipate someone else may perceive what I may say or do. While my intension is to just be respectful of other people and treat them how I would want to be treated, you know, with respect and integrity, I do wonder if I sometime allow my actions or words to be changed far too often based off a perception that I am most likely thinking too much into or even a need to be liked that really doesn’t benefit me in a healthy way.
Almost every time I really take a quiet moment to think on where this behavior comes from, my mind immediately takes me back to a childhood memory of a conversation with a particular friend. I recall our casual conversation and I remember noticing her behavior change while I was talking. Her reaction was one of being annoyed and bothered by how lame she must have perceived what I had just said. I immediately felt her response and dialed back who I was in that moment.
We were just two kids, probably in middle school by that point, having a goofy conversation about nothing of importance yet I allowed her behavior to have a deep impact on how I would communicate and interact with people for years to come.
As I type out the memory and reflect on it today, I know there was a lot more going on in that moment in addition to a silly childhood conversation between two young girls. There is a fine line to be observed and careful to not cross regarding being respectful of and true to yourself and balancing how you interact with others because of that self-respect and the character that you want to own as part of who you are.
Who you are directly impacts your behavior in how you carry out the titles that you hold in your life.
Your behavior in how you carry out the titles in your life is a direct reflection of who you are.
If one pays attention, it is the writing on the wall for all to see into those parts of you that you may sometimes want to tuck away privately.
Growing up there were a lot of what I describe as extremes in my life. A lot of extreme circumstances and behaviors, both negative ones and positive ones. When you grow up thinking that extremes are normal then it is second nature to fall into a mindset of thinking something, anything, all things, must be ALL THIS or ALL THAT (whatever this or that may be). But that really isn’t the reality of being a healthy person.
You can be you. Who you truly are. Telling whatever silly little story and not worrying if it does not land well on the person that you are telling the story to. You do not have to make yourself small and quiet simply because you are not for everyone.
Do you like everyone that you meet? Are you truly always interested in everything everyone tells you? … We all know that answer is NO.
So why do you have expectations that are different for other people about yourself?
It really is okay if you aren’t everyone’s cup of tea!! It is probably really good that you are not everyone’s cup of tea if we are being honest about it.
Don’t allow yourself to fall into a mindset of self-doubt or shame because of what anyone else thinks of you.
You are a Child of God. You are wonderfully and marvelously made. It is right there in the Bible in Psalm 139, if you need a reminder!
Because of who you are in Christ; you have a responsibility to yourself to do the self-development to break through those old thinking patterns that continue to hold you back from being the human that God meant for you to be!!
There does not have to be and should not be extreme thinking patterns that lead you to believe you have to make yourself small or not be seen in order to please anyone or be liked by all.
You have a responsibility to yourself to show up as you for the roles that you have defined for your life.
You don’t have to be perfect in those roles, but you do need to be YOU.
The authentic you that God made you to be. God made you to be you for a reason. God made you to have positive impacts in your life because of exactly who He designed you to be.
Do NOT dim your light for anyone. You do the H.A.R.D. work that you need to do in order to be the best you that you can be. NOT perfect but YOU.
Shine. Always Shine.
Much Love ❤️
Michelle