Did you ever notice how we have such a desire to clean when we are putting off doing something that will put us into an uncomfortable or vulnerable place?
So many more things pop into your mind that you NEED to do before you begin to start working on the thing that you think will take you into that vulnerable space. It may not even be a place that you are dreading to go. Sometimes it can be something you want more than anything in the world.
Sometimes it can be something that you can see yourself excelling in even and you know there is a chance you could really shine but that sneaky ole doubt monster keeps lurking in the shadows. Sending little thoughts of “what if you’re not good enough”, or “what if you are good enough but then you let people down”. “What if you create this life that you want, that you are working towards and then you cannot sustain it”?
I found myself in this exact place this morning so I thought maybe I should just write about it. If I am struggling with this today, then maybe someone else could benefit from my mixed bag of feelings when they find themselves in the same place tomorrow.
Eating Dust Bunnies
I had every intension of sitting down to work on a particular project after my coffee this morning and I tell you, every single dust bunny in my house jumped out at me, all at once, just begging to get eaten up by the ole Shark vacuum before I could even settle my mind to a place where I could actually start on the project.
It’s almost silly, isn’t it? I know I chuckled out loud to myself in the midst of cleaning when I realized what was happening. If you have found yourself in a similar place, it’s an odd place to find yourself, right?
Maybe you’re not like me and maybe cleaning is at the top of your joy list, LOL … but cleaning is usually pretty far down on my list, and I have to be intentional about setting it higher, but not this morning.
Our brains are so intelligently designed to protect us from harm but yet not able to distinguish the difference between true harm and the fear of uncertainty in making positive change in our lives.
Introducing change of any kind can spark feelings of doubt and uncertainty because that change in behaviors or actions are not what we are used to doing regularly.
The Neuroscience of it All
To dip our toes a little into the neuroscience of it all… our brains get accustomed to the behaviors and actions that each one of us perform on a regular basis. These patterns in our brains create neural pathways and tells our brains this is our “normal” and therefore within our “safety zone” and out of harm’s way. This is the paradigm or environment that our brain innately tells us we are okay to operate within without fear and discomfort.
Now, when we start to push ourselves outside of that environment that either we have created for ourselves or that has been created for us by others, then your brain starts saying … HEY SELF!!! … You DID something outside of the normal patterns for you… or you WANT to do something outside the normal patterns for you … TAKE PAUSE … DON’T PROCEED… YOU ARE OUTSIDE OF YOUR SAFETY ZONE … STOP… THREAT… THREAT … STOP!!
When we are wanting to make positive change in our lives and our brains start sending these types of messages into our thoughts this is when we need to push forward and just DO THE THING SCARED!!
Now, before I go any further to talk about making ourselves take those small baby steps toward positive change, I have to mention one of the biggest lies that most of us tell ourselves when we fail to meet our goals or we find ourselves really intending on taking that next actionable step but, instead we keep putting it off for one reason or another, like eating dust bunnies before completing projects.
Give Yourself Some Grace
Listen closely because you need to hear me and really take to heart when I tell you to NOT believe the lies that we tell ourselves …
You are NOT a Loser!! You are NOT.
You ARE enough!! You ARE.
You DO have it within you to make the changes in your life that are important to you. You DO.
Just because you were not successful in meeting those goals or making those positive changes YET, does NOT mean that you are broken.
Now, you may in fact be broken and therefore you are not at a point in your life where you’re capable of making substantial changes in your life just yet because you have deeper, more significant, areas to address first.
But being broken is an entirely different spectrum of events unfolding in your life other than the challenge of breaking through the regular cadence of patterns that our brain deems as that “safety zone”.
That said, understanding this “safety zone” paradigm or environment that your brain is accustomed to working within is just as important as healing our brokenness.
Understanding the “safety zone” explains self-sabotage.
Understanding the “safety zone” explains why you keep doing the things you have always done even though you want a different outcome.
Understanding the “safety zone” confirms that you are in fact NOT a loser.
Understanding the “safety zone” confirms that you are in fact ENOUGH.
Understanding the “safety zone” confirms that you do in fact HAVE IT WITHIN YOU to accomplish the goals and make the positive changes in your life that are important to you.
You have GOT to give yourself some grace when you start to make those changes or work towards accomplishing the goals you have for yourself, and things don’t go as planned the first time.
You have GOT to get out of your feelings so much and understand that neuroscience is a part of why it is not easy. Your brain thinks it is trying to protect you by keeping you inside the “safety zone”.
You also must understand that when anyone starts something new, most of us are NOT going to be great at the new thing. Even though you may be excellent at every other thing that you have been doing for years and years… that does not mean you are going to be excellent at the changes or at taking the steps to accomplish the goals you have. And guess what… most of the rest of us are not either. And that is okay!
Not only do we have our brains almost fighting against us trying to keep us safe, but we fail to acknowledge the fact that these new things … we have not been doing them for years and years. We have not had the repetitive practice of doing the thing and doing the thing which would improve our results and help us reach excellence in those areas yet.
Understanding the “safety zone” of the brain gives you freedom from the thoughts of self-doubt and feeling less than because it explains why it takes a lot of effort to push through change. It’s not because you can’t do it, it’s because your brain is literally fighting against the change in an effort to protect you.
Retraining Your Brain
Training your brain to recognize a new “safety zone” is not as easy as saying out loud …. “Hey, brain, we are going to have a new “safety zone” now. This old stuff is being thrown out and now this is what “safe” looks like”.
Now, it would be a lot easier if it were that simple and we may think it would be better for us if it were easier. But, as we know, easy isn’t always better. When things take effort, we learn more from them. When things take time, we are more invested in them.
Being intentional and repeating the thing over and over, learning more and more, doing, doing, doing, over and over is what creates those new neural pathways or new patterns in your brain. When you are intentional about taking the new actions or behaviors, especially when those emotions of fear and doubt are triggered, your brain sees you doing that thing anyway and then it sees that you are okay. There was a threat triggered when you went into the new space, and it could have even expressed itself in the form of anxiety or fear, but you pushed through it, and you survived.
Your brain recognized that action and that survival. So, then you must do it again. And again. And again. Creating this new pattern of actions taken is the beginning of creating the new “safety zone”.
With time you will notice the anxiety is less. With time you will notice your confidence growing. With time you will notice your skills improving. With time and repetition these new patterns of behavior will create a new “safety zone” to operate within and it won’t always be as hard as it is today.
Intension, Focus, and Determination
If you have goals that you want to accomplish. If you want to make positive change in your life. You must be intentional. It is not going to be easy because your brain is quite literally trying to stop you from getting outside of your “safety zone”. You must give yourself some grace because of this exact reason.
If you fall short the first few times or even if you just plain out suck – so what!! Dust yourself off and do it again. And again. Your brain is working against you, and you must create new habits, new patterns, learn new skills. Stop comparing yourself to other people and have an expectation that you are going to be bad at first. I mean, there is nowhere to go but up from there, right?!
Yes. That is right!… just in case you weren’t sure of the right answer! And that does not mean that you must feel bad about yourself and think that you suck as a person just because you suck at doing the thing. Those are completely different. You can put your heart into learning to do the new thing or accomplishing the new goal and at the same time not get caught up in your feelings about not being the expert in the beginning.
Regardless of how good any of us are, we are not Superheroes all the time or in all the things, especially new areas. Give yourself some grace by acknowledging that fact and by allowing yourself the time and space to grow.
This creates an environment of change where we are less likely to give up on ourselves and are more likely to continue to keep getting back up and doing the thing again. Even if we are scared. Even if it means we are not as good as the person next to us.
We are focused on showing up. Bringing who we are to the table. Getting back up and doing it again. Getting back up and doing it again. Yes, I said that a second time on purpose. And again.
We do it scared. We do it afraid. We judge our progress by being better today than we were yesterday. Not by our neighbor.
We are courageous in our efforts to continue to move forward toward our goals and positive changes that we want for our lives.
It is our responsibility to step into the lives that God has intended for us. I believe that life is revealed to us in many ways including those deepest hopes and dreams that live within our hearts.
That may be a desire to have a healthier lifestyle, it may be changing careers, volunteering in the community, or setting some boundaries that have been long overdue.
Whatever that looks like for you know that it will not be easy but that it will not always be as hard as it is today.
Ask the Lord to help you, be intentional in your actions, push through when you are scared, and no matter what – never ever give up on yourself!!
Much Love ❤️
Michelle