Sometimes you know that certain things are meant just for you. When the message at church couldn’t have been speaking anymore clearly to your current circumstances than if Jesus sat down right next to you and the two of you had a heart to heart about the place your’e at right now. Today was one of those days.
The last year of my life has been something that I would have never thought I would experience. It has definitely been a season of transition, complete heartbreak, growth, healing, and most importantly a renewing of my mind, my spirit, and my heart. Hurt and loss can come in so many different forms and yet the enemy can use them all to try and tear you down. He can and he did his best with an all out launch at me it seemed like.
What did that process look like for me? It looked like an excellent Christian therapist, some meds to get me through the brunt of it; which I am thankful to no longer take anymore and even more thankful they were there to help me when I needed them. Lots of prayer. And by prayer I don‘t mean anyone else praying for me. I mean me talking with the Lord about the things going on in my life. I mean having a relationship with the Lord in a way that I had let slip by me in the midst of so much turmoil and confusion. It was covering myself up in God’s Word. Not just listening to sermons or messages but getting into His Word for myself. Opening up my Bible and seeing how God was using the words to speak to my heart. To speak to my circumstances. Seeing how much love He has for me and seeing that for myself, by myself, with me and Jesus. Not anyone else influencing me but just me and Him.
I talked through so many things with my therapist but not one session one end before she would remind me… this is where you and I do talk therapy, we talk through the stuff and make sense of it… but don’t you forget the most important part… now you go talk to Jesus about all of it. He’s the one that will heal your heart. He is the one that will help you forgive. He is the one that is your Always. Your Number One. Your Everything. Go tell Him all about it and let Him comfort you.
I tell you what.. that is some GOOD STUFF right there – when we let Jesus comfort us. I feel so loved by Him. And just thinking about that, brings tears of joy to my eyes. It feels so good to be loved. So good to be loved.
Part of getting back up and dusting myself off to live life again after being in this darkness for so many months and then also realizing that it had actually been much longer, years, years. I am really for the first time I think deciding who I want to be. Part of that started last year and then there was this other big blow that really just about took me down. But, I tell ya, getting back on track, in a different way, it feels so refreshing. Not worrying about what anyone else thinks about anything that I am doing.. it is refreshing!! I am not saying that has been easy.. oh no, LOL.. not for a long-time people pleaser like me!! No, it has NOT been easy. It has actually been some of the hardest part of my therapy. Because the thought of not being a people pleaser doesn’t end with that simple sentence. It actually starts a whole other dialogue about why I feel the need to be a people pleaser. And, for me, it all goes back to belonging, right. I want to belong. I have this need to feel like I belong, as we‘ve talked about before. That. That was the root of so many of the things I needed to work on in my life. One of them being concerned about others opinion. But, you know what I discovered…. Other’s people opinion of me, is none of my business. Long as I live to please God… then I am golden over here.. so I am gonna do me. Because, I do belong to God. I am His Child. He loves me and He will never walk away from me. Never. That has been the most freeing part of this journey I’ve been on this last year. The most freeing. And man, does it feel good!!
So then next, with deciding that I was going to do some things that I enjoyed. Some of these were new things, like golf, who knew how much I liked golf! And, who knew how much tension is released through going to the driving range and knocking the fire out of some balls for an hour!! I think that was the big winning point of golf for me. I can literally feel the stress leaving my body when I am at the driving range or even in my garage hitting into the net. It has been so therapeutic! Also, I decided to pull out some older dreams I had from years and years ago that have always been there, just sitting and sticking their heads up every time they had an opportunity. Also some new dreams and goals are on the horizon as well.
It feels good to be doing things that I am enjoying. It feels good to have a plan, take the steps to execute on that plan, and to do the work for some of the new things I am learning about as well as for those that have been on my heart for years now. It feels good to have confidence in myself to do the things I want to do and to figure out how to have a life that I want to have. Yes, they will be hard. Yes, I know I will fall. Yes, I know I may not reach the end game of what I think I want things to look like. But, I am having fun on the journey of pursing the end game. And, long as I keep pursuing God in the midst of these things, I believe that He will use the challenges to shape me into the person He wants me to be. And ultimately, if He has a different end game for me, I know it will be much sweeter than anything I could ever want.. so, I am in!!
Just doing the next right thing without worrying about what anyone else thinks… just doing it to the glory of God. It feels so good to just be enjoying life. Enjoying the things that I have fun doing. It feels so good to just be enjoying God right now in this time in my life.
That is Simplicity. That is Joy. That is Peace. That is Serenity.
Much Love ♥️
Michelle
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Resource Recommendations:
- Shine: Stepping into the role you were made for by Allison Allen
- Journey to A New Beginning After Loss by Scott Reall
- NIV Life Application Study Bible
- Tyndale NLT Girls Life Application Study Bible
- Breaking Free by Beth Moore
- Entrusted by Beth Moore
- Fervent by Priscilla Shirer
- The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams
- How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
- Rediscovering Israel by Kristi McLelland
- Life After Life by Raymond Moody