At times I struggle to find the right words to put onto paper which will fully articulate what’s on my heart. The emotions can be so deep that at times I don’t even know if the words that are coming to mind are the appropriate ones to express what I am truly feeling. Today is one of those days.
I feel so overwhelmingly grateful for the brokenness that I have experienced in my past because I can so clearly see the magnitude of healing that has occurred in my life. Equally as important; I see the impact that healing has on who I am today in comparison to who I used to be.
When I take the time to get by myself in a quiet space and really reflect on who I am today in comparison to who I was three years ago or even ten years ago… I know with all my heart that it has been a tough road that I could not have walked by myself.
There is no way I could have done it without Jesus. None.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all in His court to give you the healing without you putting in the work also. It’s a partnership all the way. You have to be willing to have an open mind and an open heart. You have to be willing to make different choices and exercise different behaviors. You have to be willing to do that honest self-reflection and not be afraid to be vulnerable with yourself about where you are and you have to be honest with the Lord about it also.
Conversations with just you and the Lord can be some of the most difficult ones to have when you are posturing your heart with a sense of surrender to the Lord and being completely transparent about the areas that are just flat out broken in you. You are not only admitting them to yourself, but you are also admitting that you cannot fix them on your own. You need the Lord’s help, and you know these areas are just that substantial – you have got to have His help to even be able to try and take some of those baby steps forward.
When you know the depths of the brokenness that once defined you and you have a moment of reflection and you see a whole different person – there is such joy, there is such gratitude, there is such faith, there is such excitement for whatever life the Lord has for you next. Your perspective shifts, you have different priorities, you have different dreams. And you may even be surprised at how some of those hopes and dreams have changed over time.
Healing brings so much hope and desire for change, I think. Continued, positive change, for me anyway, because with healing naturally comes a sense of wanting something new that is different than what was in the broken. Something fresh and new that isn’t tarnished but that has an environment that allows for new beginnings and doing things different in order to continue to move forward with those positive baby steps.
Today, I am just grateful and feel very blessed to not be where I used to be.
I am proud of the hard work I’ve done.
I won’t lie… brokenness hurts like hell. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But the growth that brokenness fosters is sometimes exactly what you need to step into the person that are you supposed to be today.
When you’re in the thick of it, you don’t know how you are going to make it to the other side. There are days that you don’t even want to make it to the other side because you just know it’s going to be another day like it was today. And there are some days like that; days where it doesn’t seem like it’s going to get any better.
But you keep getting back up and dusting yourself off and you take that next baby step forward, like you know you’re supposed to do. And you do it again the next day, and the next. Then one day, you pause, and you realize it’s not quite so hard as it used to be, and you take a sigh of relief and gratitude. It may be not perfect or even ideal yet, but you see that it is not as bad as it was and, in that moment, there is hope. Hope in what is to come in your heart, in your circumstance, in your life. There is renewed faith that you can heal.
If you are going through a brokenness, I promise you – it will not always hurt like it does today. It won’t. Take a moment and then dust yourself off and talk to Jesus about it.
You can do so many things that you don’t even realize that you are capable of doing. You are strong. You are so much stronger than you think you are. You can do the hard things that life is throwing at you even if you don’t think you can. You just have to take it one step at a time. Don’t let the H.A.R.D. overwhelm you… just one baby step at a time.
You will be so proud of yourself when you look back one day and realize how far you’ve come, my friend.
In case you are having a hard time articulating the exact words you are feeling also, I wanted to share my prayer of gratitude with you today. Maybe you can take something from it that will help you begin that conversation with the Lord if you just aren’t sure where to start.
Lord, Thank you for seeing me, as who I am, and yet still loving me, just as I am. You let me come to you however I need to and you still accept me, no matter what, I belong with you and to you. Thank you for always being my safe space, Lord.
I give you my life, Lord, use me. Use Your Word to instill the deepest of desires to know you, to serve you, to seek you, and to love you even more every time I open Your Word.
Thank you for a love so reckless for me that you give me time after time to try and keep getting it right.
You are what makes me whole.
Much Love❤️
Michelle