“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4 (The Lexham English Bible).
Have you ever found yourself in a devastating circumstance that was completely out of your control? A circumstance that you did not want to be in. A circumstance that was heartbreaking or maybe even life shattering?
Sometimes we find ourselves in situations such as these because of choices that we have made. Sometimes we find ourselves in situations such as these because of misunderstandings that simply became toxic and there was no coming back to a positive outcome. Sometimes we find ourselves in situations such as these because of no fault of our own or anyone else’s for that matter.
In fact, sometimes, the simple act of trying to make things better just makes them worse. Some of the most heart wrenching scenarios are when you have a genuine and sincere desire to make things right and every single thing you try is taken the wrong way and just deepens the wounds even further. If you are like me, I keep trying and trying and it finally resonates with me after time and time again that nothing I do will make it better.
It’s hard to let go, isn’t it? It is for me. I would suspect it is for you also. For those of us that love big, we don’t like to give up. We want to fight to make it better. To make it right because surely there is something that can be explained or done to help everyone understand where things went sideways. Surely there is a way to make things right again. We don’t want things to be how they are turning out to be. It hurts our hearts. We know it hurts the other person’s heart and we don’t want them to hurt any more than we want our own heart to break.
We think about all the things we have shared together. We think about how much that person means to us. We imagine how different our lives will be in a world where we are not doing life together in the same capacity and we can do nothing but grieve.
Sometimes things that we never would have ever imagined would happen, actually do happen to us. To our family. Not just other people. Someone gets that devastating diagnosis that does not have a joyful ending for those of us left on this earth without our person. Our entire life is changed. Nothing is the same for so many people because of our loved one’s absence. We all fought and fought so hard and now we can do nothing but grieve.
If you are reading this and you have been graced with at least 20 birthdays, then you more than likely can identify with one or more of the circumstances described above. It is never an enjoyable experience to be going through a hardship and unfortunately there are some situations like I have mentioned here where you quickly realize that nothing you try to do can make it any better.
If you are like me, I don’t always come around to God’s way of seeing things as quickly as I should. Well, maybe that isn’t even an accurate statement. I don’t think that even at my best attempt I am seeing things the way God does. Maybe it is more appropriately stated, I don’t always come to understand how God is using the heartbreaking circumstance in my life to change me into more of the person that He would have me to be.
I encourage you to read that passage in James noted above over and over again if you need to read it over and over in order for it to sink into your heart and be stored into your remembrance so that you can go back to it often.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
It is so natural for us to be immediately caught up in the heartbreak and think about all the negative aspects of the circumstances in front of us in the moment. Don’t misunderstand me, I do think that emotionally we tend to lean into some of those things as a way of processing grief. There is a healthy amount of grieving that has to take place so that we can get to a place where we can begin to understand what has happened in our circumstances and what we are feeling. There is so much validity to healthy processing of our feelings. I want to make sure that I am clear on that. It is so important.
When we are ready, we cannot forget to do that reflection work with God. It is as vital a component of the healing process as grieving. God’s Word has so many treasures for us to use during a time of heartbreak. If you read them and read them again, out loud. Take the verses word by word and let them resonate within your heart. Like a love letter of sorts from The Lord. It is surprising how real His presence can be when you get in a quiet place and read His Word out loud with sincerity to Him.
Some of my other favorite passages to reference are:
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 26:11, NLT)
Psalm 139
“O Lord, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
2 You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
3 You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
4 You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
5 You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!
7 I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
8 If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave,[a] you are there.
9 If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
11 I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
17 How precious are your thoughts about me,[b] O God.
They cannot be numbered!
18 I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!”
These are all wonderful passages of truth and hope. These are passages that remind you and me how precious we are to God.
They remind us that He has known us from the very beginning of our life before we were even born. He knows the very number of hairs we have on our heads or if we don’t have any.
They remind us that He had our entire lives planned out before we were even born. Now, that one, will make you take a moment to pause and think.
We know God loves us. We know His Word tells us that He knows the very plans He has for us and that He only wants what is best for us, they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give us hope and a future. Now, knowing those things and then knowing that God knew we would have these heartbreaks in our lives. That requires a pause and some reflection.
How is God trying to use these circumstances in your life to shape your heart differently? How is God trying to use these circumstances in your life to mold you into the version of you that He has for you to be?
A very wise mentor asked me a question not long ago and shared some insight with me that I refer too often: “What is God trying to teach you during this time in your life? Are you going to take the time to really process the lesson and get some freedom in this area or are you just going to pack it back up in your suitcase and take it with you on down the road to deal with again later? God will just keep bringing it back to your attention until you do your due diligence to process the root of what He is trying to teach you. “ ~ The wise mentor we will call “Hope”.
In your quiet time of reflection with God. If you don’t know the lesson He is trying to teach you, ask Him to show you. Ask Him to make it real to you so that you can do the work to become more of the person that He would have for you to be.
The reflection work with God is not easy. It can be its own kind of heartbreak. But, if there is a good kind of heartbreak, it is reflection work with God.
It is so worth it! He is so worth it! You are so worth it!
Much Love ♥️
Michelle
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Resource Recommendations:
- Shine: Stepping into the role you were made for by Allison Allen
- Journey to A New Beginning After Loss by Scott Reall
- NIV Life Application Study Bible
- Tyndale NLT Girls Life Application Study Bible
- Breaking Free by Beth Moore
- Entrusted by Beth Moore
- Fervent by Priscilla Shirer
- The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams
- How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
- Rediscovering Israel by Kristi McLelland
- Life After Life by Raymond Moody