I was talking with someone recently and they mentioned a feeling of being ‘stuck’. As soon as I heard those words my immediate response was, OH! …. Now you’re speaking my language!!
The Lord, and a handful of people I’ve done life with, knows that I have felt stuck enough times over the years. Especially over the last eight years.
I guess if I think about it, I don’t ever remember feeling stuck until after Mark passed. Maybe I was always too preoccupied with other things to feel stuck or to be observant of the feeling, anyway. Work, being a mom, being a wife, taking care of all the things that go along with all of those can take up a lot of time and energy in themselves. Maybe I didn’t really have time to think about much else and didn’t have time to ponder over my life like we do when things get still and there are fewer people in our inner circle.
One viewpoint of being stuck is doing the same thing over and over and just running on auto-pilot almost.
And you just keep doing the things. The things that have to get done, the squeaky wheel gets the oil, right? Those were the things that rose to the top and then you just do what is next loudest. Yeah, I do think that CAN be stuck… for some, anyway. Maybe not for all.
As with most things, I think there are so many variables and circumstances that all evolve around who we are, what is important to us, where our values lie, what our desires are, what dreams and hopes we have. I think that these plus so many other things can have a significant bearing on some of us who have been in a place ‘stuckness’ at one time or another.
What is most important for us to remember if we are feeling like we are stuck… first and foremost – remember to give yourself some grace. That is number one in our priority list!
GIVE.
YOURSELF.
SOME.
GRACE.
I would follow that with try to take a step back and look at the bigger picture of your circumstances. Perspective is always vital to really seeing where we are and who we are in order for us to fully understand ourselves and how to move forward.
Sometimes getting to know ourselves so that we can figure out who we are is hard.
Sometimes that means accepting that we have things we need to work on.
Sometimes that is having an open heart to the Lord and asking Him to show us the areas that need to be shown to us.
Sometimes that means we have to take some of our armor off, let some of the walls down and really look at the ugly parts of who we are to see what is really still broken that needs to be healed so that we can move forward in a healthy way.
Sometimes we bandage up all the ugly and fractured parts with these bandages but they are just about to bust out of the wrapping, they are so old and tattered. Those same wounds continue to get poked at and poked at and the infection is just festering and we keep throwing another bandaged on top because we think that is easier than ripping it all off and cleaning out that old wound like it should be so that we can then create a much more healthy environment for healing.
It is H.A.R.D work to clean out those old woulds. It is messy. It is NOT fun. Yes, it means we have to be vulnerable and sometimes it is even hard to be vulnerable with just ourselves and God… when there isn’t even another human in the conversation. Because it means that we have to allow ourself to feel the hurt that caused the wound. We have to feel the feelings of rejection, of regret, of loneliness, of whatever those feelings are for us. Those feelings take us right back to those circumstances and heartbreaks and it is so very difficult. But I promise you, it is so very worth it! So worth it. And He is right there with us. He needs us to allow room for His healing.
You are worth it. You are worth doing the work on yourself!
And, if you are reading this and you’re thinking, that’s not me, I am fine, this is for so and so,.. well, maybe take another look in the mirror.
I would venture to say that a lot of us have very deep wounds that we keep patching up and we think it’s not us. It’s not us. But, if we’ve never been open and willing to do the work, I would guess that we may have some areas that need tending to.
You are worth it and the Lord will walk right through it with you!!
Once we know who we are and have done our best to get to a healthy place then we can start thinking about who do we want to be? We cannot just skip to what we want our lives to be like because if we do not understand our starting point, we are not going to be able to put together an effective plan of action for moving forward.
So it is so important for us to do some authentic work with ourselves. We’ve got to know who we are, what our values and principles are, then we’ve got to know what kind of life we want for ourselves.
We’ve got to have some idea of where we would like to be at some point in our lives. Who do we want want to be?
And, I am not just referring to what job we have when I say, who do you want to be. So much more important than what we do to make money to live is WHO do we want to be.
Do we want to be a person of integrity, a person that is true to specific values or standards that we are setting for ourselves, a person of a certain character, these are the types of things that I am referring to when I say, who do we want to be?
Along with that, what do you want to do? And if you don’t know that, then let’s start with a baby step and see where God leads us.
What are your passions? What are those dreams that you keep pushing back because you thought you couldn’t do them or thought they didn’t really matter?
Let’s start digging some of those things out along with the ideas of who we want to be and just start on a path and see where God takes us.
It make look totally different than we thought but, that’s okay – because it’s the willingness of the first step, to get on the path and then God may take us down a different walkway.
We just need to be open and willing to walk with Him.
Once you know your starting point A of who you are today and you know your next point B of who you want to be and maybe a general idea of what you want to think about exploring, then comes the fun stuff!!
Yes, we’ve done a lot of hard work and now we are still about to do some more hard work. LOL.. but at least this is the part we we can throw in some interesting things and some things that we enjoy, you know, fun stuff!
Now is the time where we start being creative, thinking outside the box, opening up those dreams we tucked away and start figuring out how to solve for getting from point A to point B.
Don’t think that you have to have a solid point B either. I call this the fun part because there is some trial and error here. The reality is that if we are already feeling stuck, we may not know what point B is. That is just truth.
So what if we have a tentative point B? A point B that is subjective to change and we give ourselves some grace with it? What if we use some of those old dreams, some of those passions, and just try out a few things? What if you get totally out of your comfort zone and try something completely new?
You could have a passion for music or art, so take a piano or art class. You could try out a new hobby or sport, like golf or join a quilting club.
Whatever your passions are, whatever you enjoy, look for something to incorporate into your life to get you out of the same ole same ole rut!!
A lot of times, I think feeling stuck can result from boredom or a lack of socialization. We need community. We need to have things in our lives that are fun and that we enjoy.
Life is way too short and we have way too many serious events in our life to NOT make room for some things that are just for our enjoyment. Those things give us a little piece of us, a little bit of fun and enjoyment, some dopamine in the midst of all the responsibilities of life.
I think making time for these types of things are necessary to live a healthy and balanced life. And, I think we will be much more pleasant humans to be around. LOL.. The people you do life with will probably appreciate it as well!!
I am sure some of you are reading this and thinking… hmmmm…is making some of the changes above really going to help with feeling stuck? She didn’t tell me to figure out a different career, she didn’t tell me to look for a spouse if I am single, she didn’t tell me to go back to school. .. I mean, by all means, if those are things on your heart.. do them!! Do any or all of them.
But – the most important thing of all that I have learned is that self care is NOT self-ish. … And, that HAS to be our first priority.
If we are not at a healthy and good place with ourselves, in my experience, that also has a tremendous impact on my relationship with God, so if I don’t have me right, I don’t even do a good job with trying to be right with the Lord.
And, I gotta have HIM to help me be right with myself!!
And, once I am good with me, and God, and then I can be a better person to those other people in my life that I love… and even some that I don’t. LOL
Don’t misunderstand though. Jesus fills our cups!! … not us. But we gotta let Him pour into us. We have to be open and willing to receive it.
None of this is easy and none of it is fast. It takes time. Healing takes times. Sometimes understanding who we are and what we want our lives to look like takes time.
I would encourage us to at least have an open and willing heart.
Give ourselves grace.
Start with those passions and dreams that have been buried and that are always just a thought way because they are still burning inside us.
Connect the dots in the waiting… while God is doing His thing in your life, while He is doing His due diligence to prepare you for whatever He has for you on the other side of stuck.…Be talking to Him about the dreams you have.
Be talking to Him about the hopes and desires you have.
Pray through those with Him and involve Him in your life.
That is the most precious gift we could give to God… to bring Him into our lives to be an active participant.
He wants relationship with you!!
He wants relationship with me!!
Talk to Him about it. You will be putting a smile on God‘s heart by bringing Him into your stuckness.
Isn’t that a sweet thought.. that we can put a smile on God’s heart? That thought, puts a smile on my heart.
Bring God into your stuckenss.
He may have something big for you or you may need to bring something fun and adventurous into your life.
Don’t let us forget… God can work in the middle of fun, too!!
Much Love ♥️
Michelle