Simple, But Not Easy — Self-Leadership Workshop
Hello… welcome, welcome, welcome.
For those of you I haven’t met, my name is Michelle Hughes.
I’m a coach, a widow, a mom, a YaYa… and a woman who has had to learn most of this by living it.
And today we’re talking about self-leadership.
My hope today is that you leave with two things:
First… a shift in perspective about the world we live in.
And second… a stronger belief in your ability to lead yourself well within it.
And I want to begin with a quote that has stayed with me for a while now.
By American author and theologian Frederick Buechner from his 2004 book “Beyond Words”: — “Here’s the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Do not be afraid.”
When I first read those words, something in me settled.
Because I think many of us have been taught—sometimes without realizing it—to believe that if life is hard, something has gone wrong.
That if we are doing life well… it should feel mostly happy. Mostly safe. Mostly manageable.
But that isn’t reality.
Life is both beautiful and hard.
And until we make peace with that… until we understand that both beautiful and terrible things will happen—
I don’t know that we can fully lead ourselves well.
Because self-leadership begins when we stop expecting life to be easy…
and start learning how to lead ourselves in the middle of what is.
And the truth is…
this isn’t just a human insight.
It’s a spiritual truth.
Because John 16:33 tells us:
“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart, I have overcome the world.”
Not might.
Not maybe.
You will have trouble.
And I think there is something strangely freeing about that. Take that in for a moment. It gives me chill bumps when I say it out loud.
Because when we stop expecting a trouble-free life…
we stop interpreting hardship as failure.
We stop assuming something has gone wrong.
And we begin to understand:
Hard things are not evidence that life is broken.
Hard things are part of life.
And self-leadership begins when we learn not to be undone by that…
but to lead ourselves through it.
And once we understand that—
that hard things are part of life, not evidence that something has gone wrong—
something interesting starts to happen.
We begin to see why so many of us feel stuck.
Not because we’re lazy.
Not because we’re incapable.
Not because something is wrong with us.
But because somewhere along the way…
we were taught—without even realizing it—
to wait for life to feel better before we begin moving forward.
We wait to feel motivated.
We wait to feel confident.
We wait to feel clear.
We wait for things to settle down.
We wait for fear to go away.
And while we’re waiting… life keeps moving on…
And so do the years.
And I know that because I’ve lived it.
There was a season in my own life when I realized…
I had been waiting.
Waiting for life to feel lighter.
Waiting to feel more certain.
Waiting for some outside clarity to tell me what was next.
And what I began to see—
quietly, honestly—
was that some of what I called discernment…
was really delay.
Some of what I called being careful…
was actually fear.
And that was really hard to admit to myself.
But it was also freeing.
Because the moment I could name it—
I could begin to change it.
And for me… that was a turning point.
Not because everything changed overnight.
But because I stopped waiting for life to move first…
and began taking responsibility for how I was going to lead myself within it.
And that changed more than I realized it would.
And I think this is where so many women quietly drift.
Not because they don’t care.
But because they’ve confused waiting with wisdom.
And those are not the same thing.
Because there is a difference between discernment…
and delay.
There is a difference between thoughtful reflection…
and hiding.
And self-leadership begins when we learn to tell the difference.
And this is where I believe everything begins…
WITH how we think.
Because the thoughts we allow…
the thoughts we rehearse…
the thoughts we believe…
SHAPE everything.
There are facts in all of our lives.
Facts about our circumstances.
Facts about our history.
Facts about what has happened to us.
Those facts may be real.
But the meaning we attach to those facts…
the perspective we choose…
the thoughts we practice about them…
SHAPE EVERYTHING
Because thoughts create feelings.
Feelings influence actions.
Actions produce results.
And over time…
those results begin shaping the life we live.
Because what begins as a thought…
can become a life.
And I want you to hear this deeply:
You may not always have control over your circumstances.
But YOU DO have agency.
And that matters… because agency is where hope lives.
You do have influence.
You do have choice.
Because you always have power over three things:
- Your thoughts.
- Your feelings.
- Your actions.
And that…
is where self-leadership begins.
And I don’t believe that is simply self-help.
I believe that is deeply spiritual.
Because Psalm 139 tells us we were intentionally formed.
- Wonderfully made.
- Known by God.
And Romans 12:2 tells us we can be transformed by the renewing of our minds.
Which means:
- Change is possible.
- Renewal is possible.
- New patterns are possible.
And this is where I use something we call the Creation Cycle.
- Thoughts.
- Feelings.
- Actions.
THESE PRODUCE YOUR RESULTS.
And sometimes the most powerful thing we can do…
is simply stop and evaluate.
What am I thinking right now?
What is that thought making me feel?
What actions is that feeling producing?
And are those actions creating a result that is actually serving me well?
Because if not—
I CAN choose again.
That is agency.
That is self-leadership.
And this is where I ask women to get honest.
- Is this the version of me I want to become?
- Would my 80-year-old self be proud of how I’m showing up right now?
- Is this the woman I want my children or grandchildren to see?
- Is this the woman I want to be?
And if the answer is NO —
Then you have some work to do but that is NOT condemnation.
That is awareness.
And awareness is where CHANGE begins.
Because so often… the thoughts that are leading us are not even our truest thoughts.
They’re fear.
Protection.
Old patterns.
The false self.
“I’m not enough.”
“I can’t do that.”
“What will people think?”
But then there is the true self.
The self grounded in truth.
The self rooted in who God says you are.
Capable.
Growing.
Courageous.
And self-leadership is learning to recognize the false self…
and choose the true self ON PURPOSE.
Because self-leadership is not becoming someone else.
It is becoming more fully who YOU WERE CREATED TO BE.
And when you start doing that…
your brain will resist.
It will.
Because the brain is wired for safety.
Not growth.
It will offer excuses.
Doubt.
Fear.
It will want you to stay in the familiar.
Even if the familiar is keeping you stuck.
And that is why resistance is not proof you’re doing it wrong.
Sometimes resistance is proof you’re growing.
And can we just be honest…
when you decide to do something new…
your brain can get real dramatic…RIGHT?
Suddenly it’s like—
- “What if you fail?”
- “What if people judge you?”
- “What if you embarrass yourself?”
And somehow…
the same brain that forgot why you walked into the pantry… has very strong opinions about why you should not change your life.
And yet we let that same brain run the board meeting…
(Pause for laughter)
And that’s exactly my point.
Not every thought that shows up deserves authority.
Just because your brain offers a fearful thought… does NOT mean you have to agree with it.
And that is why you need a grounding truth.
An anchor belief stronger than fear.
Something meaningful enough…
to hold onto when your old patterns start talking.
Something like:
- Ten years from now… I’ll be proud I made a different choice.
Or— I am becoming the woman I was created to be.
That becomes your why.
And meaning helps you move through discomfort.
And this is where my framework comes in:
Pray. Plan. Go.
Pray = Align your heart with God.
- Spend time with Him in prayer and in His Word – build relationship with Him.
- Ask Him to align your desires with His will for your life.
Plan = Get intentional.
- Break it down.
- 90 days at a time.
- Every Month
- Every Week.
- Every Day.
- Put it in a planner.
- Schedule your life.
- Because vague intentions do not create change.
- Specific action does.
Then—
Go.
- Take the step.
- Even imperfectly. As my own coach says: B- work beats doing nothing every single time!!
And this is where Daily Integrity comes in.
Because every time you keep your word to yourself— you build trust with yourself.
And building trust with yourself creates the confidence needed to make meaningful change.
And when self-trust grows— confidence grows.
And when confidence grows— you begin to show up differently.
And one more thing.
Gratitude matters.
Because if you are never grateful now— you will not suddenly become grateful later.
Gratitude grounds you in abundance… while you build what’s next.
And this brings me back to where we began.
Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Do not be afraid.
You were created to handle both.
You were created to lead yourself well.
And my hope today is that you leave knowing this—
you do not have to keep living as though you are powerless.
You do not have to keep waiting for life to change before you begin changing how you lead yourself within it.
You can begin.
With one thought.
One decision.
One act of courage.
One next step.
(Pause)
And for some of you… that next step may simply be taking what you heard today and beginning to practice it.
And that is good.
But for some of you… you may know you want support doing this work at a deeper level.
And if that’s you…
I do have a few openings for 1:1 coaching.
And I’d be honored to walk alongside the right women in that next step.
You can watch a video of this talk on my YouTube Channel: